You Have the Best Daddy

Amelia, you have the best Daddy. You really do. This Father’s Day should be so different… with you around 11 months old and the three of us celebrating. You shouldn’t just be on our minds and in our hearts today… you should be here with your Daddy.

I wish I could’ve seen you grow and interact with him. If wishes could come true, I’d wish for you to be here so I could see it with my eyes and feel it with my soul… If there was any way I could go back in time and make everything work out for us, I would. Oh, I so would.

But I did see how gentle your Daddy was with you when you were born and we lost you. I saw how much he loved you when we met you. And through the deep sadness in his eyes I saw how much he wished you would’ve made it here safely and alive. Your Daddy looked so right holding your precious, tiny body. If only he had the chance to hold you forever.

No Daddy deserves to go through what your Daddy has. Babies should always make it Earthside and get the chance to grow and thrive with their families. Babies shouldn’t ever die. Pregnancies shouldn’t ever be lost. But unfortunately these things happen all the time and it happened to us. I wish so badly that it didn’t happen to you. I wish so badly that it didn’t happen to your Daddy.

We both wished for you for a very long time before you were a reality. During our 21 weeks with you, your Daddy was so excited. If we weren’t in a new pandemic he would’ve been there for every appointment, every sonogram…from the start. But he was always there, watching you grow through technology. He was always there, taking care of your Mommy. And he was always there, excited for our future with you. He was so excited for a future with you in it.

Although your Daddy and I only ever wanted a healthy child… he was so excited to find out you were a baby girl. He wore pink socks to our gender reveal, secretly hoping you might be his Daughter… and I was so excited to see him as a “Girl Dad”… I even bought him a “Girl Dad” hat as soon as we found out. I can imagine how gentle he’d be with you today… how he would tell you how smart and how brave you are… Your Daddy would read to you, watch shows with you, snuggle with you, and he would teach you so many things. He would want you to grow into a strong, independent, healthy, and happy person. He would want you to be whoever you were meant to be.

But just as I have to mother you in much different ways than I would if you were physically here… your Daddy has to father you in different ways, too. I’ve seen him father you in sending paper lanterns to the sky, choosing a floral name for our puppy, writing you the sweetest message on your Birthday balloon, and clearing out the flower bed for a new garden. I’ve seen him father you in choosing the perfect little candle for the Wave of Light… and I’ve seen him father you in the moments where he notices flowers that remind him of you. He fathers you in the quiet moments where you come to mind and he fathers you in all the ways he supports your Mommy while she mothers you….

You have the very best Daddy