A Quiet Saturday Morning

It’s a quiet Saturday morning and this is my view…

The sun is illuminating your young garden in a way that photographs do not do justice and Daisy is in her spot along the back fence waiting for her ball to be thrown (she’s non-stop). I wonder what this morning would be like if you were here…

If you were here it wouldn’t be so quiet, but it would be perfect. Rather than waking up to Kilroy barking at the door and Daisy licking my face I would’ve woken up to the sound of you. I would have greeted you in your nursery to see a smile on your face. You would be just about 10 months old now. Would you hold your arms up for me to lift you out of your crib? Would you have a favorite blanket or “lovey” that you must bring with you to the kitchen? Everything about you- your sounds, your smiles, your chubby little hands and big shining eyes- would be absolutely perfect. Would I realize this if I had never experienced loss? Would I take you for granted if I had never lost you? My perspective was different before I lost you.

In an alternate universe maybe things worked out and we are together. Maybe I’m feeding you your favorite puréed fruit. Kilroy is so gentle now with his age and his cancer… maybe you’re snuggling up next to him helping him feel all the love before his time runs out. I know you would’ve loved him… especially now at 10 months old with your personality and growing independence. Maybe in this alternate universe your Daddy approaches you and your eyes light up because he’s your most favorite person. Oh, I’d love to experience this.

And if you were here I wouldn’t have this view. We wouldn’t have your beautiful memorial garden. We wouldn’t have Daisy. Our backyard wouldn’t look the same… not near as beautiful… but I’d have you.