traditions – Amelia's Floral Footprints

“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” -Buddha

I can’t believe it’s already June 10th, 2024. It feels like yesterday was the beginning of April and we were preparing for your new garden.

It’s becoming easier, more natural to pick out flowers to fill your garden. I love the few hours I get to spend roaming the aisles at our garden centers nearby, dreaming up your garden and picking flowers to coordinate and compliment each other. This year the challenge was finding grubs and ants that had taken up residence in the flower bed and figuring out what to do. Yuck! But I think I was able to solve it.

This year your garden is filled with lots of bright colors with a few new additions and several plants that I have brought back for the second or third year. I’m learning which flowers survive the climate here in Texas and it’s becoming easier to plant a garden that will make it through the summer if nourished well.

The pink dianthus flowers have returned for a third season in the small pot that sits before your garden. It continues to amaze me how hardy these beautiful little flowers are, making it through not only hot, dry summers, but also cold winters with ice and frost. These flowers are the definition of resilience. They continue to thrive in the same soil from three summers ago and in a small pot, nonetheless.

This year, we also planted two new Amelia Rose Azalea shrubs along the fence near your garden. I’ve wanted to plant some of these since we lost you and this year it felt right. I needed some time after my attempt to grow one from a sapling in 2021 that Daisy destroyed as a puppy and led to me feeling like I failed you. This spring it felt like enough time had passed and I was ready for another chance. I opted for 3 gallon plants rather than saplings to help our success and they’ve been thriving since we planted! These Azaleas will flower every spring and fall for years to come. I look forward to watching them grow and continue to thrive with the same name as you! Amelia

All in all, Amelia, your 2024 garden and this fourth year of honoring you has started out perfectly. We’ve had plenty of rain! I’ve already seen the miracle of each flower, each blossom, and my whole life continues to change.

Started out with a clean slate and a vision

It’s truly beautiful in the morning light

Two whole years. Amelia, it’s been two years since you were born into the stars and since we were able to see you and hold you. Two years since we said hello and goodbye. And two years since the journey of loving and deeply missing you began. We’ve made it through two years of grief, trauma, and being the version of ourselves that we became when we lost you. Two years as your parents. Two years I wish could’ve been different but wouldn’t wish away because you have taught us so much.

This year we continued our traditions. Your Daddy, Daisy, Benjamin, and I wrote messages to you on another pink balloon and sent it to the sky. Another year… another set of messages. Did you see them?

Every once in a while I experience something strange. I see these little twinkles… almost like thousands of tiny white specks moving all over… as I look around. It happened just before we lost you, just before we found out we were expecting your brother, and again on your second birthday as I watched the balloon float up and up until I could no longer see it.

When this happens I have this overwhelming sense that one of my angels is there with me telling me something. Was it you? Were you there with us in that moment feeling the love that we were sending your way? Was it you wrapping your little arms around us? I hope this time it was you. What a sweet thought it is that maybe our little family was together for a moment.

Imagining our little family together for a moment. Not sure you’d be in such a big dress! But maybe you would on your second birthday!

One year ago I imagined what it would be like to send off your balloon while holding a baby… your little sibling. I wished and wished for this to come true before your second birthday and I’m so glad this year we got to have this experience. Benjamin is little but watching the wonder in his eyes through it all was incredible. He loved watching your birthday candle… the flame flickering back and forth. His attempted handprints on your balloon… this will forever be the first time he touched finger paint. I love that he will grow up knowing you and sending you messages with us. I imagine singing happy birthday to you, the messages he will scribble and write over the years, and talking with him about how old you would be and who you might be here on Earth with us.

Who would you be today if you were here with us? Would you have blonde hair or brown? Would your eyes squint like Benjamin’s when you smile and would you also have dimples? What would your voice sound like? Would you have similar interests to the other little girls we know who are around your age? Would you run around, climb things, play in your kitchen? I wonder what kind of toys you’d be asking for this birthday… would we celebrate with cake and ice cream? Or would you prefer cookies?

For the rest of my life all I can do is imagine who you are… and who you would be if you were here with us. Imagining a life that could never be is both comforting and sad. But I’ll never stop imagining, Amelia, because you are my first born… my baby girl who deserved so much more. My girl who I both connect with and love through flowers and traditions like these. My girl who no matter what and no matter where is always on my mind.

Happy second birthday among the stars, Amelia.

I love you,

Mommy

Tag: traditions

The miracle of a single flower…

Your second Birthday among the stars