Even those who never fully blossom bring beauty into the world…

Well my sweet Amelia… it’s 2023 and it’s time for your garden to grow for its third season.

When we planted your first garden in 2021 I was utterly heartbroken. I was the version of me who was shattered into a million different pieces with no instructions for how to put me back together. I couldn’t see how beautiful the future would be but I had a dream that each year as winter turned into spring I would plant a new garden to care for and tend to just as I would for you if you were here. I had a glimmer of a vision that someday our family would be able to enjoy your garden year in and year out, together. But that year the fog of grief was thick and heavy. I learned a lot that first season… replacing a few plants that couldn’t survive the hot summer… figuring out how to prune some flowers and allow others to do the pruning on their own. I learned how frequently to water and watched some wildflowers that started as seed paper grow next to your flower bed… first in a small pot that was replaced several more times with larger pots to accommodate the growth. It was such a cool experience from start to finish, despite the sadness your absence brought. It gave me purpose during my darkest year and it brought some beauty to our home which held some of the most horrific memories.

Then came 2022 and I had just found out I was expecting your little brother. Your garden took on a new form as I planted seeds that required less labor and watched them sprout. Some didn’t make it. Others grew… and grew so wild I couldn’t keep up. I had to learn how to oil the cedar flower bed that had become greyed and weathered. I had to plant some grown flowers to fill the sparseness between seedlings. I had to fight with mushrooms that had taken up residence between the flowers for several weeks. And through one of the hottest summers your garden that was once full of color was a bed of mostly green and brown with a flower here and there. It feels symbolic reflecting on the challenges this 2022 garden brought as I faced challenging and often conflicting emotions throughout my second pregnancy.

This year… 2023… your garden is full of color and joy. My heart feels lighter and my soul feels renewed. I long for you and also feel a sense that we are right where we belong. If ever there were a year filled with song this would be the one. As I shopped for the flowers I would plant this season I scoured the aisles for anything bright and vibrant. I gravitated to flowers with colors blending into other colors… and colors I’ve never gravitated to before. It feels right to fill this season of your garden & this season in my life with brilliance. Maybe it’s because we’ve come so far… so far as a family and on our journey of loving you… but this garden is my proudest yet. It is truly a wonder to behold… looking at your garden while the wind gently blows the sweet melody of your chimes. It’s a wonder to behold how a little pot of pink flowers survived the winter ice and came back brighter than ever. I’ve never felt your presence more, Amelia, and I love it.